If you’re having trouble making friends or struggling with loneliness, you’re not the only one. Longing for connection is a malady that rivals the Covid pandemic and can lead to equally damaging health consequences. Not only are youth depression and anxiety rates making national news, but in recent weeks the Wall Street Journal has published several articles reporting the loneliness of middle-aged moms. Males are not immune either, and can be self-destructive when left on their own. The pandemic, busyness, social media, secularism, and culture have made the loneliness epidemic even worse, but with a little sharpening of your friendship tools, you can overcome.

Strengthening Your Friendships

It may be easiest to print or bookmark this article (part 1 today, part 2 tomorrow) in case you want to work through one section at a time.

Appreciate Each Category of Friendship

• Consider three general categories of friends: 1) closest/best friends, 2) good friends, and 3) casual friends.
• It’s impossible for all friends to be your closest/best friends. And for the close friends that you do have, it’s important not to put pressure on them to prevent your loneliness or fulfill every friend construct in your imagination.
• Make sure you value your good friends and casual friends too. Realize it’s the variety of friends that makes life rich (Prov. 27:10). Slow down and give attention even to casual friends as you pass by them in the halls or at events etc., and make regular plans with good friends. Extending invitations to casual friends can help casual friends become good friends.
• If you feel disappointment about your friendships, aren’t actively involved enough with friends, and long for closer friendships, consider these two solutions: First, make a point to be grateful (in your thoughts and in your words) even if you feel you only have casual friendships. Then, try new friendship tools such as the ones provided in this two-part article to further develop friendships in your life.

Match Your Friendships with your Stage or Season of Life

• Beyond the obvious range of differences when it comes to being in close proximity with people (i.e., large college campus versus working from home alone all day), there are many other challenges for friendship that are based on circumstances or emotional capacity. Therefore, be willing to:
  • have grace for yourself and others if it’s harder to meet new people or spend time with friends right now.
  • trust God’s goodness and faithfulness when He puts you in lopsided friendships where you may give more to a friend than you are given back.
  • have patience to love a friend not for what they can do for the friendship, but simply for who they are.
  • receive each kind of friend as a gift from the Creator, resisting the thought that your personal friendships are completely up to you to make happen.
  • be sensitive to everyone’s differences that impact interactions: temperament, introvert or extravert, style of attaching to others, work/course load, family responsibilities, etc.
  • be adaptable for your friends just as you need them to be adaptable for you.
  • be extra inclusive to those who may be new to your workplace, school, neighborhood, or church; especially since you know how hard it is to make deep connections when you’re new somewhere. (Proverbs 27:8)

• Make sure you remember the basic ingredients for friendship if you’re starting over in a new season of life. Some key traits (especially for becoming close friends) are: initiating meaningful conversations, networking with and for another, being authentic, sharing interests, sharing relatable personality and humor, following up with what’s going on, extending patience, being stretched by each other’s differences, serving and helping them, being good influences on one another, behaving gently and kindly, providing healthy and holy affection, and giving encouragement and affirmation. (Psalm 1:1, Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:2)
• Resist the temptation to compare yourself with how many friends others have, and cherish the number allotted to you by God.
• You may need to shift some priorities and even schedule time with friends; otherwise spending time together may become neglected and cause damage to your friendships.
• A great antidote to depression and investment in friendship is to have standing friendship dates, events with friends on the calendar to look forward to, and special traditions with your friends.

Prayer & Blessing

Stay tuned for part 2 of this article and consider memorizing this verse: In everything, treat people the same way you want people to treat you. (Matthew 7:12)