Why do kids and teens lie to their parents? Why do some people fib so incessantly that it’s a habitual automatic response? What can you do when you don’t trust a word out of someone’s mouth?

Reasons For Lies

• To avoid getting into trouble, not wanting to make someone mad
• Fearing the potential reaction to the truth, experiencing shame
• Driven by what others will think if the truth is told, wanting to “save face”
• A desire to be liked, popular, entertaining, or funny
• Deep insecurity
• To boost one’s feeling of worthiness, to fit in
• Perfectionism
• A problem with self-centeredness, wanting one’s way, not wanting to do what is hard
• A need to control or manipulate a situation
• Believing distorted thoughts
• When lying has become so normal that telling the truth is awkward and uncomfortable; lying feels right (often developed in childhood when lying felt necessary)

Being In Relationship With Someone Who Frequently Lies

Your Mindset

• Be grace-based and not perfection-based.
• Remember the deceitful condition of the human heart (Jer. 17:9, Mt. 15:19) so you will not feel so shocked when someone tells lies.

Your Example

• Pray Proverbs 30:8a – that God will remove falsehood and lies far from you.
• Consider how you can grow in your love for truth, and acknowledge the vulnerabilities you may have for speaking less than truthfully.
• Ask the Lord to give you opportunities to make truth attractive to the one who lies.
• Make sure you are approachable and even invite the one who lies to make suggestions for how you can respond in such a way that will help him/her resist the temptation to lie. For example, before he/she tells the truth, he/she might ask you not to laugh, get mad, or yell.

Your Heart Of Compassion

• Study Ephesians 4:17-25. Perhaps those who lie to you have not yet understood the truth that is in Jesus, and have not yet put on a new self. They may not grasp what it means to be a member of His body, called to speak His truth with one another.
• Yes, it’s hurtful to you. But also let your heart be broken for the personal spiritual impact of their lies. When your loved one lies, he/she becomes like a sharp arrow to everyone (Prov. 25:18) and he/she misses the opportunity to give a true witness of God for His glory (Jn. 7:18).
• Turn any judgmental disappointment into tender requests of the Lord to help you gently restore him/her to truth, as He leads. Your loved one is literally overtaken by this sin of deceit which is misery; and God determines the perfect timing for redemption (Gal. 6:1; Eph. 1:4).
• If you want to help someone feel confident enough to tell the truth, teach him/her about the God who accepts His children, and how He desires humble transparency, not perfectionism. Explain how giving a false impression gives others an opaque view of who she/he is and puts an unnecessary self-burden to try to please those who may never accept them anyway.
• Know who you’re fighting against. It’s not your loved ones. It’s the devil, the very father of lies. Pick up the only effective weapon – God’s armor. (Jn. 8:44, Eph. 6:10-20)
• If you’re struggling to trust someone who continually lies to you, remember there is One who is perfectly trustworthy. He can heal you from the hurts the lies have caused, pour onto you His unending grace, and give you wisdom to know how to foster truthful conversations. The Lord can help you see where He is at work in the lying person’s life, show you how to pray for the relationship, enable you to trust again, and make you more like Christ in the process.

“I am…the truth and the life.” (Jn. 14:6)