When it comes to anxiety, there are myriad components to it, various manifestations of it, and well-known ways of responding to it, none of which this article is attempting to address. Rather, this article will invite sufferers of anxiety and their loved ones to consider the role of insecurity when it comes to anxiety. You’ll learn 1) exercises to help you identify potential insecurity at the root of your anxiety or the anxiety of others, and then if applicable 2) you can apply some of the provided tools for growing in confidence. The bulk of this article is for the reader who is willing to do Scriptural exercises to reduce anxiety and increase confidence. There is also a section provided for those who are trying to support loved ones who are not yet ready for these exercises.

Exercises to Identify Insecurities in Your Anxious Moments

While your other anxiety-lowering solutions (such as restfulness, journaling, exercise, etc.) are helpful and have their place at keeping anxiety at bay, you can experiment with a new tool: being on the look for insecurity as a cause for increasing anxiety in your life.

Some Instances of Anxiety

You’re Starting to Panic…

• In a case like this, fear overtakes you and you truly don’t know what to do. You physically can’t help the way you feel. You know once this happens you won’t be able to listen to any “wise” advice because the fear is too real. So right now when you’re calm, try this exercise:
  • Reflect on past incidents where you dealt with panic and look to see where insecurity may have fed the panic.
  • Look for upcoming situations where you’ll be vulnerable to panic and make a plan for how you could choose to feel grounded in your identity in your faith to reduce the chances of panic from taking over. Instead of fretting over your lack of ability, practice asking God for His grace to handle each nervous situation one at a time.

You’re Becoming Irritated, Frustrated, Or Mad…

• In a case like this, something has changed, something is uncertain, or someone has interfered or let you down. You feel stressed and believe these circumstances are the problem. But what if the problem is actually a lack of confidence in your ability to handle the situation? Or what if the problem is thinking someone else will handle things in a way that will be too uncomfortable, unpleasant, hurtful, or hard for you? So right now while you’re at peace, try this exercise:
  • Reflect on the last time you got mad and responded poorly. Could there have been a lack of confidence underneath that whole incident?
  • Commit that the next time you begin to feel irritated, angry, or stressed, and before you become too emotional to think straight, you’ll ask yourself how your insecurities could be driving your emotions.

You’re Crying those Tears Again, and You’re Feeling Defeated…

• You may have cried as recently as this morning. You’re going through something hard! But don’t give up or give in. Instead, try this exercise:
  • Reflect on your emotional ups and downs. Would less insecurity and more confidence give you more stability?
  • Next time someone hurts you, before the injury has a chance to blow up in your heart, ask yourself if it’s doubt in yourself that is somehow lurking underneath your intense feelings.

You’re Caught up in the Same Fight Again…

• You may have frequent conflict with someone. An old wound or unmet need has surfaced again. What if you could interrupt this vicious cycle once and for all? Try this exercise:
  • Ask yourself what am I really worried this relationship dilemma says or reveals about me? How do I feel threatened or not good enough?
  • Consider what and who you’re trying to control and how feeling incapable or helpless is contributing to this area of conflict. Or consider how someone else’s feelings of anxiety or insecurity is causing them to hurt and try to control you. And be reminded they need your prayers to have more confidence.

Exercises to Reduce Anxiety by Increasing Confidence

While there isn’t a straightforward formula for becoming a more confident person, you can read the following list and allow the Spirit to make one or more of these exercises stand out to you as personally applicable.

Be Honest about your Strengths and Weaknesses

• Consider making 4 lists about yourself. Each list reflects the opinions you hold about yourself in the form of: 1) True Positives, 2) True Negatives, 3) False Positives, 4) False Negatives. Prayerfully consider if you tend to focus on your false negatives or false positives more than repenting over your true negatives and more than praying to grow in your true positives.
• Be brave and take some time with your list of true negatives. Allow the Lord give you an accurate understanding of yourself regarding your negatives/sins by writing out and praying the following verses: Psalms 7:9b-10, 19:12-13, 26:2, 51:1-17, and 139:23-24. Further, be sure to receive His forgiveness according to 1 John 1:9.
• Look now at the list you made regarding your false negatives. Do you need to repent for being critical of what the Lord has done in how He made you or how He works in your life? Do you need to ask His help in receiving His truth about who you are in order to help you redevelop your opinions of self so you can embrace and steward your true positives (your gifts and the good way He made you and is working in you)?

Be Honest about People-Pleasing

• Picture the person or people you worry about what they think of you, or think of those you worry if they’ll be mad at you. Now, look up 1 Corinthians 1:27-30 and 1 John 3:1b and be freshly reminded that people and worldly standards are fickle and upside down by eternal measurements. God does not agree with man’s view of what is weak, ugly, or worthless. He says His people need to agree with His values. You don’t have to be approved of by certain people to feel good about yourself. Reset your perspective to concerning yourself about what God is thinking of what you are doing moment-to-moment and be free of the sinful trap of people-pleasing. Consider memorizing verses like Psalm 146:3, 1 Corinthians 1:27-30, and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, to help you remain faithful to God. Remember He is the only perfect Person to please and to please you.
• Write down the names of the people you are comparing yourself to or the comparisons you’re making to accounts you see online, etc. Spend time studying and memorizing 2 Corinthians 10:12-18. Similarly, consider who you feel most critical of because that’s still a form of comparison driven by insecurity. If this comparison habit describes you, study 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 and beware of comparisons that are actually “one-upping” your brothers and sisters in Christ instead of working together to further God’s kingdom and in place of suffering with those who suffer and rejoicing with those who rejoice.

Be Honest about Your Views on Identity & Purpose

• Do a compare and contrast experiment of your beliefs with the Truth. In the compare column, note the ways your beliefs about your identity and purpose reflect what the Bible teaches (such as truly believing that He saved you from being utterly and forever lost, that God now sees Christ in you, that Christ is living through you, that you’re washed white as snow, that you’re His masterpiece created to do good works, etc.). In the contrast column, be raw about the ways your thinking is more aligned with the world than with that of a believer (such as, believing you can never be ok or good enough, you’re too bad to be forgiven, you have to prove yourself, God has abandoned you, etc.). Study and absorb passages such as Colossians 1:19-23 to have a better and more truth-filled foundation for self-worth.
• Acknowledge the degree to which insecurity and comparing yourself to others has caused self-loathing. Journal your answers to the following questions and then show your journal to your accountability partner. (If you don’t have an accountability system, click here and here to learn more).
  • How much have I minimized how much God loves me and enjoys loving me?
  • How have I disgraced the dignity the Lord has given me by His grace, salvation, and love?
  • What are some of the ways I’ve tried to debate the truth of my spiritual status?
  • What lies from Satan have I chosen to believe in place of what the Word tells me?
  • What Scriptures will I commit to memory so that I can speak my core beliefs to myself about my Father’s love when the Enemy is trying to get me to believe lies?
  • What ways have I robbed myself and others from having joy because of my self-absorption, self-protection, and self-loathing?
  • Which verses should I use to replace my self-hate language? (A few to get you started: Deut. 7:7-9; Is. 43:1-13; Psalm 8:3-4, 18:19, John 3:16, 1 John 3;1a: 1 John 4:9-11)

Be Honest About Your Thoughts & Self-Talk

• Think about what you think about. If you could organize your thoughts into categories, what would those categories be? And how much time do you think you spend in each category? In your “self” category, how much time are you striving for the idea of having a good life with a good reputation? How much time are you spending thinking about your union with Christ? How much time are you agreeing with the Spirit’s peace-inducing truths? In your “concerns” category, how much energy is expended towards worry and how much towards faith? How many of your thoughts are rooted in knowing and walking with God, and with your purpose in life being to glorify and enjoy Him forever, alleviating the most important worries you could ever have? In your “others” category how much time are you spending rehearsing hurts, criticizing their ways, or comparing yourself to them? How much time are you praying for their salvation or being thankful for their salvation? In your “kingdom” category, how much time are you spending thinking about building up kingdom-of-self? Kingdom of God? In your “regrets” category, how much time are you beating yourself up and how much time are you dwelling on the repentance that is a threshold to freedom? Which of the following verses would be good for you to store up to think about in your various categories? Isaiah 26:3, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Philippians 4:8, 1 Thessalonians 5:24.
• How many of your thoughts are cultivating gratitude and worship?

Be Honest about your Rest Habits

You probably know how important true rest is for lowering anxiety (and if not, click here), but are your restful activities of choice really leading to rest and strength or are they making you feel even worse about yourself? Replace worldly rest with holy, restful activities, including searching the Scriptures to learn more about the rest that leads to peace. (A few verses to get you started: Psalm 3:5-6, 37:7, Mt. 11:28-30, Mk. 2:27, Jn. 15:9, Heb. 4:1-13)

When Your Loved One Isn’t Trying

As hard as it can be to understand, some of your loved ones are so gripped with anxiety and/or insecurity that they would be unwilling to try anything this article has to offer. Or they may be open to the article’s teachings, but then not really do the work that it takes. Then what do you do? Your goal is to continue to support the efforts of lowering anxiety in their life. Be proactive and help prepare them for anxious moments and situations and offer to help them face hard things with a solution-oriented mindset. The more successes they can find managing anxiety-producing events, the less they can be ruled by anxiety, the more logical they can remain to eventually work on growing more confident, and the more experience they’ll have in overcoming anxiety.

Prayer & Blessing

“Rescue me and deliver me…that our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth, that our daughters may be as pillars sculptured in palace style…happy are the people who are in such a state. Happy are the people whose God is the Lord!” (Ps. 144:11, 12, 15)