If you start reading the book, Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out, those of you who work with me may think I co-authored it. Like author Jim Burns, I’ve learned from personal experience what works well in this modern age while doing life with my adult children and by counseling others with adult children. In addition to living it out, Burns has spent the last few years extensively researching this topic and I believe he presents helpful information and some quite useful tools. Best of all, his writing style is to-the-point, yet backed by good examples. You’ll be able to read it quickly and get to work right away interacting productively and positively with your adult children.

The Cautions

However, at the same time, I do not agree with everything he believes, did with his children or recommended that others do. Further, I would have liked to have read more accounts of how he was prayerfully being led by the Holy Spirit according to the Word of God in his decisions, interactions, and responses to his children and counselees. Nevertheless, this book is so full of practical suggestions, love and respect for adult children, a heart for relational influence, and belief in the redemptive power of Jesus that I believe it’s worth a filtered read.

What You Will Learn

• The job description of your new role in this season of life, and tips for making the changeover from your old one
• Benefits to not giving unsolicited advice
• Reasons to treat your adult children like adults even when they’re not acting like it
• Ways to tell the difference between a lecture and a conversation (it’s a very handy checklist!)
• Simple but impactful principles for healthy communication (you’ll be impressed by how he wastes no time in providing you with practical ideas)
• Creative, realistic ways to respond to the devastating effects of the culture on the morals and values you spent their entire childhood instilling in them
• The process of and advantages to stepping into their lives
• An answer to the million-dollar question: How do I know if I’m enabling?
• Suggestions for setting boundaries and how to do it well (while there’s been a lot of controversy on this topic through the years, you can read his thoughts with a balanced perspective and go from there)
• Ideas for dealing with the “cringe-factors” and not becoming “one-topic” parents
• Strategies to use if your adult child makes regrettable decisions
• Plans for moving successfully to the next stage of life together
• Tips for navigating challenging in-law and blended family relationships
• Thoughts for finishing your life strong as a faithful grandparent while maintaining the relationships you’ve worked so hard for with your adult children

Pray For Wisdom

If you decide to get this book, I recommend you pray Scripture such as 1 Samuel 1:11 for each of your adult children – “I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life.” And then read this book alongside the Bible allowing the Lord to show you which tools He is leading you to use (or not use) in your adult-to-adult relationships with your sons and daughters.