In part 1 (click here) and part 2 (click here) of this blog series for overcoming porn, you were invited to evaluate your view of the Word and to improve your goals. This concluding part 3 is concentrated on the heart’s role in overcoming porn. Perhaps the heart issues stem from your past, involve some unmet perceived need or feeling of inadequacy, provide a type of comfort, or originate from a long-held perspective or significant influence. In addition to any work of healing or counseling you’re doing during this season to restore your heart, it’s crucial for your heart to learn how to love rightly as you move forward.

The Move Towards Christ-like Love Makes a Difference

The love of Christ is vastly different from the way the world “loves,” and has a superior design. Once you place your faith in Him, you are called to add virtue to your living. (Stay tuned for an upcoming article with more tips for developing virtues). As such, it’s important to grow in knowledge that leads to self-control. Perseverance, godliness, and brotherly kindness are also developed, and then you’ll know how to love with His love. (2 Pet. 1:5-7)

When you catch yourself thinking about how you feel or what you desire, remember that character traits make you good at loving. Therefore, be thinking upon virtues and asking the Holy Spirit to help you further develop virtues that are weak, such as sacrifice or self-control.

Even if you’re single, don’t believe the lies telling you that porn isn’t hurting anyone. Controlling impure sexual desires is still the godly and loving choice to make. (Mt. 5:8, 2 Tim. 2:22)

Cherishing Your Wife Makes a Difference

Many males who struggle with porn are married or one day will be married.

Be satisfied by the gift of your wife and get marriage counseling if anything is in the way of you being utterly grateful for her. Venturing elsewhere for that satisfaction leads to soul destruction. You became one flesh on your wedding day; thus, if you aren’t caring well for your soul, you aren’t caring well for hers. Even if you aren’t yet married, this also goes for caring for your future wife. (Prov. 5:19, 6:27, 32; Eph. 5:28-29, Heb.13:17)

Do not dare make impurity your identity. You are a son of the High God. If someone had kidnapped your son, you would be relentlessly searching for him. In the same way, Christ came and died for you before you even committed your first sin. Let Him rescue you now the way He did then. He is ready to reestablish you. (Ps. 23:3, Rom. 5:8)

Cherishing Your Jesus Makes a Difference

Females who struggle with porn (and those entangled in emotional affairs) have unmet longings for relationship.

The female heart is so pivotal to everything about her that it deserves the highest security of safekeeping. Asking yourself the following two-part question can help you get a sense for whether you need more protection of your heart: “What am I doing to keep my heart guarded with all diligence, and has my plan been verified by godly mentorship?” (Prov. 4:23)

To Jesus, you are a lily among thorns and His banner over you is love. Only He can meaningfully sustain, refresh, and nourish you and produce His fruit in and through you. Once you really experience a love relationship with Jesus, lesser loves will fade. Make sure you have someone contending for you as you nurture the relationship you have with your First Love. (Song 2:2, 4, 5; 4:13; 7:10; Rev. 2:4)

Fearing Your Jesus Makes a Difference

The Bible instructs you to fear God not as a threat, but as an epiphany. When you choose to trust the eternal and present realities of a merciful, loving, and powerful God who has already met your greatest need and continues to meet every one of your true needs today, fearing Him becomes your greatest strength and joy. (Neh. 8:10; Phil. 4:19, 2 Tim. 1:10)

God promises that fearing Him gives you confidence and a place of refuge, and is a fountain of life turning you away from snares that will destroy you. (Prov. 14:26-27)

Receiving Intercession Makes a Difference

Some people, like Anna in the temple “serving God with fasting and prayers night and day,” spend significant time making intercession for others in their prayer closets, on their knees, in their vehicles, on their walking routes, etc. If you know someone like this, do not hesitate to ask if they would add you to their list. Hearts like theirs long to further the Kingdom through their prayers. If someone has already offered to pray for you, one day you’ll realize how much their prayers helped you endure. (Lk. 2:37; Phil. 1:4)

Even if you don’t have another earthly person praying for you, that’s okay because you already have two members of the Godhead praying for you: the Son and the Holy Spirit. (Rom. 8:26, 34)

The Words You Pray Make a Difference

Praying through the Word of God shapes and guards your heart and secures you in praying the ways He wants to answer. Once you start praying Scripture in this way, every time you read the Bible, you’ll find yourself praying more and more of it. You’ll find that it’s not about your past performance, but about His performance transposing yours now and in the future. Here are a few samples to get you started:

“Lord, ponder all my paths today. Discretion from You will preserve me from crooked paths, and I want to acknowledge You so You will direct all my paths. Teach me the way of wisdom so that I’ll be on the path of peace. Don’t let me go near the door of the path that will put me on the verge of total ruin.” (Prov. 2-5)

“Jesus, you told Peter to watch and pray or he would enter temptation. You explained to him that his spirit was willing, but his flesh was weak. My flesh is weak too, Jesus! So here I am watching, praying, and remembering that You strengthened Peter’s weak flesh by rescuing him with Yourself, by saying ‘You follow Me.’ So, here am I Lord, ready to follow You and all that it means.” (Mk. 14:38, Jn. 21:22)

“God, it’s so hard to say no to what allures me. But You are teaching me to say yes to what and who You love, so that my time is spent giving preference to others in place of myself and to look out for their interests. You remind me that I do not live to myself, but I belong to You. Your Kingdom is about righteousness, peace, joy in Your Spirit, and edifying others. And You’ll give Yourself to me to place over my mind and heart. (Rom. 12, 14; Phil. 2:4-5)

Prayer & Blessing

Bow down Your ear, O Lord, hear me, for I am poor and needy. Preserve my life, for I am holy. You are my God. Save Your servant who trusts in You! Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I cry to You all day long. Rejoice the soul of Your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. For You, Lord are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You. (Ps. 86:1-5)

A Note about this Blog Series

Once you finish reading this final installment of the series, you may want to consider sharing the links with loved ones or printing out a copy to review on a regular basis to help you solidify new habits and remain faithful.