It happens a lot. You’re not the only one to feel like you just said the worst possible thing to someone grieving because you felt so awkward and emotional. It’s so hard because you want to say the perfect thing, but then your mouth opens or your fingers start typing and next thing you know you’ve bumbled out something that’s possibly completely unhelpful.

Keep It Short

There may be a few appropriate persons suitable to linger in a long conversation with those who are grieving, but if you’re there to simply pay your respects, keep it brief. One statement that says how glad you feel to have known the loved one can really warm the heart of each one grieving. A quick visit can be a true blessing. There will already be others who are assigned more personal and lengthy commitments of serving the family.

Acknowledge You Don’t Know How They Feel

And let the Holy Spirit teach you how to best pray for them. The most respectful thing you can do is not assume you know what it’s like to live with this loss and that will protect you from saying the wrong thing too.

Think Twice Before Trying To Teach

A lesson about faith, etc. may be the last thing the grieving can take in at this time. Eventually there may be someone for them to express their doubts to, but if you weren’t in the family’s inner circle before, you don’t have to act like you are now. Trust and pray that there are others that can fill that ministering role for them.

Silence Is Sweet

And it lets those that are hurting lead the way on whether they want conversation or not. Introverts can especially get very worn out from the constant interactions.

Share A Memory

Bringing up a memory can be can be an awesome gift. You don’t even have to hold back on telling them a funny one.

Protect The Kids

Kids may shirk away from your tears, long hugs, and struggles. Usually only adults can handle that. Youth do better with feeling like they can be normal, until they’re not. Let them know there are no expectations from you. Sometimes the best thing to say to a young person is, “Would you like me to take you to Chick-Fil-A or bring you something back?” Or “Is there a friend you’d like to hang out with right now?”

Do What You Would Like

During a hard time for you, whatever was the most helpful thing anyone said or did for you, say or do that.

“The tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Prov. 12:18)