Emotional maturity is the ability to feel a full range of emotions while also thinking and behaving in a stable manner (high EQ score); whereas emotional immaturity is the tendency to internalize your feelings in an unhealthy way and/or express them outwardly in a hurtful manner (low EQ score).

The idea of becoming emotionally mature or having high emotional intelligence seems to be universally motivating. But it can be hard to remember what the signs are for low emotional intelligence and the markers for high emotional intelligence. The better you know the traits of emotional maturity, the more likely you will be able to put them into practice when experiencing various emotions and responding to life and others.

Low Emotional Intelligence (Low EQ)

• I’m not comfortable acknowledging emotions.
• I don’t consider feelings before acting.
• I hold a number of self-destructive beliefs and think on them often.
• I frequently feel inadequate, disappointed, resentful, or victimized.
• I lack vocabulary (or use curse words) to describe my feelings.
• I’m stressed-out all the time.
• I experience noticeable physical symptoms with no physical cause.
• I’ve not prioritized soul-care in my schedule.
• I’ll abandon efforts when things get hard or uncomfortable.
• It’s common for me to be rigid and inflexible.
• I can’t break some bad habits.
• I react more often than I respond.
• I don’t want too much responsibility.
• I don’t have time for spiritual work.
• I lack desire to work through negative past events even though I feel shame.
• I’m not confident and don’t understand my worth.
• I tend to threaten rather than comfort.
• I usually want to fix instead of being present.
• I have a number of troubled relationships.
• I’m not consistently emotionally available for others.
• I’m a poor listener.
• I engage in gossip.
• I tell lies regularly and easily.
• I’m prone to invalidating others’ joy.
• I’m more concerned with being offended/not offending than developing personal character.
• I find myself thinking at times that I don’t really like people.
• I worry incessantly about what others think of me.
• I’m too wrapped up in my own many feelings to have energy to pursue caring for more people.

High Emotional Intelligence (High EQ)

• I’m aware both of my mood and my thoughts about my mood.
• I surrender my feelings to the Spirit of Christ within me.
• I’ve learned which emotions mask more difficult feelings that need addressing.
• I appropriately and verbally express my feelings, rather than turning them all inward or expelling them all outward.
• I consult the Truth of God’s Word to make sense of how I feel.
• I pray for the Lord to shape my feelings according to how He feels.
• I can clearly articulate my weekly plan for stress management.
• I can harness my emotions on a path towards a godly goal.
• I regularly apply self-control to my emotions.
• In my troubles I consider how I can be a problem-solver.
• I can feel joy in the midst of difficult circumstances.
• I work to replace all-or-nothing tendencies with a balanced perspective.
• I can tell the difference between positive and negative emotions.
• I’m practiced at tolerating uncomfortable situations with grace.
• I consider what is mine to control and what is not.
• I understand the realities of my self-worth.
• I’m learning about myself from my feelings and allowing them to help me grow, while keeping them in their rightful place.
• My spiritual life is a priority in my daily schedule.
• I’m willing to do the work to experience healing from past hurts.
• I value interpersonal competency and being empathetic.
• I’m emotionally nourishing towards others and leave others in a good mood.
• I consult my emotions when I make decisions, but don’t let them be ruler of my decisions.
• I’m willing to fight hard to be healthy in my relationships.
• I can handle conflict and gentle confrontation in order to repair relationships.
• I’ll participate in necessary, hard conversations for the sake of myself and of others.
• I’m a team player.
• I’m productive with with my emotions so that I have capacity to care more deeply for the people in my sphere of influence.
• I encourage others to soothe their souls in the Savior.

Now What?

If you read through these lists and recognize that your EQ needs improvement, be encouraged. Just having that new self-awareness means you’ve already raised your emotional intelligence! Next, pick an item off one of the lists that needs work and ask the Lord to give you strength to get to work on it and to persevere.

He who speaks and thinks truth in his heart shall never be moved. (Ps. 15:2b, 5b)