When you spend time reading the words Jesus spoke when He lived on earth, you soon learn He wants your complete loyalty to Him, His ways, and the truth. But, at the same time, the whole of Scripture and the present-day church remind you to invest your time caring for others, and engage your relationships and the world with relatability and appealing character. So, how can you love well, be faithful to your Savior, and shine a light to the world, while preventing yourself from being either too rigid or too lax?

Pursue God’s “Both/And” Character

God is a both/and God. He is both just and merciful. He embodies both grace and truth. Spend more time talking to Him, listening to Him, and prioritizing obedience to Him, and you’ll become more like Him. Let Him lead you in your relationships, and you’ll become better at speaking truth while also loving well, and better at loving well while also speaking truth. Make Him your day long companion, and you’ll speak of His mercy as much as His justice, and speak of His justice as much as His mercy.

Examples:

Each of the following examples 1) describes the two extremes you can find yourself on, and then 2) offers ideas for how to grow the skill and produce the fruit of being “both/and” in His likeness:

Example: Trying to admit you’re a Christian to non-Christian peers, colleagues, and followers without false assumptions being made about you.

Extremes: Either you try to fit in with the world so much you damage your Christian witness, or you come on too strong and too soon with your beliefs.

Both/And: God’s grace and the indwelling Holy Spirit give you guidance in how to look very different from the world, while also connecting very relationally with those in it and sharing your peace and hope with them. Pray specifically before encounters with the world and He’ll be faithful to answer.

Example: Trying to support your teen or young adult son or daughter, but can’t approve of his/her lifestyle choices.

Extremes: Either you show so much grace you’ve left him/her to the world to raise and influence, or you show so much disapproval he/she only feels shame.

Both/And: God’s grace enables you to express your convictions while also loving him/her for who he/she is, which makes you safe and approachable for your child. Invest heavily and humbly in the relationship and wait on the Lord to lead your evangelism.

Example: Trying to foster a good lifestyle for your family while juggling multiple schedules.

Extremes: Either you’re so structured your kids are becoming resentful, or you’re so flexible you’ve lost your personal self-discipline.

Both/And: God’s grace leads you to separate which areas of your life to keep open for change and which to guard as non-negotiable. Give your family members a voice in your schedule and obey the Lord’s answers.

Example: Trying to be physically healthy, along with managing other priorities.

Extremes: Either you’re so preoccupied with what you eat and your workouts that you’re unpleasant to be around if there are any interferences, or you continually rationalize unhealthy choices.

Both/And: God’s grace will encourage you to seek support from at least one significant person in your life to plan out the appropriate shopping list, cooking methods, work-out plans, and childcare routine so you don’t get overwhelmed and can stay consistent. This person can also help you define what flexibility looks like for you so that your loved ones, customers, etc. aren’t neglected because you’re attending to your personal health needs.

Example: Trying to be wise about the future, while knowing you might not see tomorrow.

Extremes: Either you get stressed out when faced with the unknown future, or you’re so busy living in the present moment you seldom prepare for what’s next.

Both/And: God’s grace commands you to set aside time, such as the Sabbath day each week, to prepare yourself for upcoming obedience and service and to place your trust in Him for the future.

Example: Trying to please the people in your life without becoming or breeding a people-pleaser.

Extremes: Either you’re constantly bending over backwards to keep another person happy, or you’re always thinking of how your expectations are not being met by another.

Both/And:  God’s grace will teach you how to please Him first, and then by His presence you’ll be instructed what to do and not to do in order to help others be pleased with you, only to the degree you are responsible.

Example: Trying to deal with common, human emotions while maintaining self-control.

Extremes: Either much of your decision-making is emotionally-driven, or you’re so passionate about being logical and efficient that you regularly hurt your loved ones.

Both/And: God’s grace gives emotional intelligence that provides you with the empathy, compassion, and perspective to sort out thoughts, emotions, facts, opinions, truth, and lies about a situation before you respond to colleagues and loved ones.

Example: Trying to deal effectively with depression, anxiety, and mood volatility for your mental and emotional health.

Extremes: Either your moods cause you to stop everything else so you can give in to them, or you’re so determined to ignore your feelings and press on that you aren’t dealing with them at all.

Both/And: God’s grace will lead you to a mental and emotional health plan that is right for you. Of course, there are times you have to grieve, be sad, or physically experience stress and intensity. But there is a way to live productively even in the midst of sorrow and angst. You can determine to be in charge of your feelings instead of letting them lead you around. Give yourself the chance to understand your emotions, pray and seek counseling for healing and management, and practice a daily reset of your feelings to match God’s direction for your life.

Example: Trying to protect the truth that modern times have tried to erase, without alienating and hurting your closest friends and family.

Extremes: Either you’re so adamant that other believers interpret Scripture exactly as you do, or you’re so loose with Bible interpretation you don’t experience conviction from the Spirit when you read it.

Both/And: God’s grace equips you to focus primarily on what the Lord’s calling you to do, and trust the Spirit to confront your brothers and sisters where needed and through whom and when. Be more interested in praying for the people in your community and encouraging the fruit of the Lord in your life and others, than in making sure they understand everything as “perfectly” well as you do.

Prayer & Blessing

“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good… not lagging in diligence… be fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope… be patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer, distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you… Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep… Associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion… Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Rom. 12:9-21)