Marnie* wants you to know her story. She was a faithful, godly woman who wasn’t interested in anyone but her man. Until the day she connected with someone else who unwittingly filled needs in her that she didn’t fully realize weren’t being met. Marnie was shocked to find herself feeling warm inside when she was around this other man. He made her feel so special. And it felt so good.

Thankfully, he was devoted to his own relationship, guarded his interactions around Marnie, and wasn’t a threat after all. Nevertheless, she began to perceive that she had been in a personal danger zone. Even though she didn’t actually cheat on her husband, she felt like she had. God protected her and this man from making a huge mistake, but the fact that she wasn’t immune to male distraction concerned her and made her want to talk about it in the safety and confidentiality of counseling.

How Can You Learn From Marnie’s Story?

• Don’t ever think you are above cheating. (Rom. 3:23; 5:8)
• Examine how well you are loving. Are you more interested in serving, or feeling well-served? Are you cherishing your special someone, or really just testing to see how well you are being loved? (1 Cor. 13)
• For 7 days, count how many times you think that your expectations aren’t being met. Confess and repent that you’ve idolized your earthly relationship instead of trusting that your God will meet all of your needs. (2 Cor. 3:5; Phil. 4:19)
• Look to see where you are being affirmed and encouraged. Are you being tempted by attention you are receiving from the wrong person? (Rom. 16:18)
• Check your balance. Have you lost yourself in someone else? Or have you become too independent from the special relationship that you’ve been blessed to have? (Eph. 4:1-6)
• Consider how often you rehearse past hurts. Could you be holding onto unforgiveness? (2 Cor. 2:7-11)
• Make a list of priorities. Are you neglecting to invest in your romantic relationship while believing it is automatically affair-proof? (Phil. 2:3-4)
• Ask your significant other if you are controlling, and brace yourself for the answer. (Gal. 5:13)
• Be honest with yourself. Are you allowing the Lord to work on you and care for you every day? Are you giving Him enough of your time? (Ps. 119:9; Jn. 6:35)
• Get to know God better. The more you know Him, the less enticing and powerful are your temptations. (Titus 1:15)
• Scrutinize your thought-life. Are you letting opinions or negative thoughts run wild? (Rom. 12:2; Phil. 4:8)
• Do a check on your contentment level. Are you becoming ungrateful? (2 Tim. 3:2)
• With the one you love, create mutual boundaries together, even if it seems unnecessary. Wouldn’t you rather have a relationship with loving, preventative measures in place than fear-based guards on each other based on broken trust from something happening? (Mt. 6:24)
• Honor all of your brothers in Christ – not just the one you’re committed to. Do you sincerely want God’s best for the men you know, or have you been behaving like you want your best for you? (1 John 3:16)

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Mt. 5:28)

*Name has been changed to protect identity.