Experiencing the feeling of rejection is perhaps one of the most painful experiences of life in a fallen world, and never fearing it again is surely one of the most anticipated benefits of eternity. Being rejected by another person or group of people can crush your spirit, weaken the health of your relationship patterns for years to come, and even negatively impact your personality. And while it’s one of the hardest hurts to overcome, your well-being depends on facing rejection wounds.

This article covers a lot so you may want to skim it first to see which sections apply to you or a loved one.

And you may want to schedule a time to return to this article with journal in hand so you can reflect on your struggles with rejection and make plans to apply new tools.

Don’t Dismiss How Rampant Rejection Is

Experiencing rejection is a current danger in a raging spiritual battle. We live in a modern world that devalues manners and promotes self-love as a way to cope with stress. And this gives Satan plenty of chances to corrupt God’s design for belonging in order to make people feel left out, insecure, and desperate.

Rejection Is Everywhere:

• The very nature of social media is to advertise your life and show the world who wasn’t there for all the fun. 
• Extending an invitation to someone in front of another person not invited is commonplace.
• Even adults get away with making clear who is in their community of friends and who isn’t (without feeling the need to make special efforts to expand and include others).
• Blatantly discussing events in front of others who aren’t included is considered normal.
• Excluding others can even be a form of bullying to feel in control and exert power over others.
• Young people are piecing together false communities that look good because they don’t have the confidence or skills to patiently forge rich relationships with one another.
• Societal messages preach the opposite of Biblical truths, such as sacrificial love or how to put the best of others over your preferences. (Phil. 2:3)
• The enemy wants people to distrust God so they will feel worried, fearful, and anxious. People filled with anxiety tend to do what it takes to be in control (such as being exclusive or thoughtless), instead of knowing Him as the One they can trust to meet their relational needs.

Grieve With Intention To Heal

• It’s ok to acknowledge when you’ve been left out – but not in order to keep an open wound. Said another way, wearing a “lens of rejection” (assuming you’ll always be rejected and must protect yourself) clouds your vision for every other social and relational situation you’ll encounter. It’s crucial to regularly resist the enemy’s plots to keep you down-and-out once you’ve been rejected.
• If you’re in a situation of bullying through rejection, make sure to have 1-2 adult, godly mentors to help you remain steady, healthy, and moving forward through this unique hardship.
• In Psalm 55, David honestly bemoans how his God-following friends rejected him. But after he gets it all out, he steadies himself and properly bandages his wounds with heartfelt words, “But I will trust in You.”
• Out of your experiences of feeling rejected by others and finding healing in the Lord, ask Him how He might want to use you to give others the experience of being accepted and included.
• In times of rejection, seeing His mercy, grace, and love at work will enable you to grow from the hurt and see ways He was protecting you, growing you, and preparing you for future situations. He promises to deliver His followers from every trouble. (Ps. 34:19)

Don’t Lose Yourself In Pain

• Our Creator is relational, and He made you to be relational as well. The first relationship to nurture is the one with Him so that you don’t make gods out of imperfect people and lose your priorities to your relationships. Return to your First Love (Rev. 2:4-5), and He’ll lead your next loving relationships.
• Both the sinful flesh and the enemy are hard at work against holy relationships (Eph. 6:12). Don’t use a few instances of rejection to project future rejection, define who you are, or make firm determinations about others.
• Check the thoughts rejection has placed in your mind. Do you need to replace any lies with truth about who you are and Who makes you valuable? Have you interpreted someone’s rejection in such a sensitive way that your interpretation is multiplying the hurt you feel? Is this making you assume the worst about the other person rather than the best? Is this hurt robbing you of being compassionate about what another person could be going through that helps explain their behavior?
• He brings out those who are bound (includes being bound by fear of rejection) and sets the lonely in families (Ps. 68:6). Expect to see Him work in your situation to meet your needs, even if it’s not how you expected.

Repent Of The Times You Inflicted Rejection Wounds

• Could you also be someone who is causing relational wounds that will have lasting effects on someone’s life? Are you trying to control your relationships? Or are you letting God control the way you act in your relationships?
• Evaluate your past social media posts.  For example, did you say something like “Having a great night with my besties” when you could have said “Though I couldn’t have all my wonderful friends with me tonight…” And as another example, did you post pictures of exactly who was at your last birthday party instead of sensitively posting only a picture of the slice of cake you were enjoying or a variety of ways you interacted with all your friends that entire week?
• Not to suggest extreme people pleasing, but society today has gone to the other extreme of carelessly disregarding the feelings of others. You might have to make new decisions regarding your son’s graduation party or daughter’s prom photo session etc. in order to be more thoughtful of the feelings of other parents. Before you try to teach your kids not to engage in these types of hurtful behaviors, you can practice and model it. For example, you might post pictures of your child at his/her birthday party with cake and family only; not the select group of friends who were there by discreetly given invitations.

Develop Skills & Spread Your Wings To Be Relational

• Spend time in Scripture discovering why you’re still capable of acceptance. Once you become part of God’s Kingdom, a valuable part of your relationship with Christ is learning to tolerate being rejected by this world (Rom. 11:15). This temporary rejection doesn’t mean you have no belonging; rather this points you to an even greater belonging to an eternal community.
• Think back to other times in your life when you weren’t experiencing rejection. What can you learn from that time and what can you do now to experience less rejection either with current relationships or future relationships? How can you take personal responsibility and be a creative problem-solver in social situations now and down the road?
• Since rejection is not just happening to you, what opportunities does this give you when you witness it? Who do you know that is inflicting hurt by rejecting others and needs someone praying for them and for those they are rejecting? How can you follow the command to bless those who reject you? (Rom. 12:14).
• Rejection tends to create a tiny world that feels permanent. But instances of rejection are temporary, and the world is grand. There are many more moments ahead of this moment in time, and an earth full of people to encounter beyond the small group of people you know right now.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Mt. 5:9)