You thought the relationship was over, but a message shows up on your phone or a gift on your doorstep, and the message seems clear: someone wants back in your life. How can you know the right way to interpret the situation and respond to it? Can a formerly unhealthy relationship ever be a future healthy relationship? And how do you handle all the feelings this brings up?

Reflection

The first thing to remember is that choosing not to reconcile can be a right answer in some cases – even if you’re a forgiving Christian. Once you have permission to possibly say no to a renewed relationship, you’re in a much better position to think clearly.

Action

Wisdom is crucial. Even if well-meaning loved ones are encouraging you to return to your old friend, make sure you’re seeking the wisdom of the Lord, and that the ones you’re listening to are also seeking wisdom and operating in it.

It’s okay to need qualified help. Even just one meeting with a counselor can give you a skilled, third-party perspective from someone who hasn’t been involved.

Establish a time-frame to work it out.  Anytime you’re going through friendship changes and transitions, it’s an opportunity to reflect. Click here for a friendship article that offers some practical ideas for how to: evaluate your circumstances, rediscover who you are as a friend, and make decisions regarding relationships.

Zero in on why the friendship ended in the first place. Has anything changed? And how do you know? Words will not cut it. Instead, you will need to see God undeniably at work in your former friend’s life. True repentance is found in people who get frustrated with themselves for their slip-ups…not mad at you for noticing. Also, can you both commit to accept the parts of each of you that haven’t changed?

The higher the motives, the better chance of success. How willing are the two of you to talk about how such a reconciliation reflects what Jesus did for His Bride; and brings Him glory? Can both of you point out how He was working during the time apart to bring you back together at this time? Are you on the same page for noticing how the friendship can be richer and holier now that the Lord has done refining in each person? Will others be given hope and encouragement as they witness the growth, healing, repentance, and redemption that the Lord has granted in your relationship?

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3)