Even though I’ve grown to know Caroline* quite well in recent years, I was curious what she had been like in her 20’s before she got married. I didn’t want to pry of course, but I did enjoy learning from Caroline’s family and lifelong friends what she was like as a single woman. And I realized that the long-lasting impression of Caroline’s personhood could encourage other young women today as they face the challenges of their single years, and could help young men to raise expectations in their friendships and dating decisions.

Descriptions of Caroline

What I learned from my interviews with Caroline’s loved ones did not disappoint. Notice that others easily remembered the uniqueness and character in Caroline as she was emerging into full adulthood:

From her sister, “Caroline was…

• A hard worker (in academics and in her jobs).
• Really growing in her faith.
• Always making time to come home.
• Purposeful who she spent time with.
• Selfless and caring.”

From her brother-in-law, “Caroline was…

• Patient!
• The same as she is now.
• A true lady, skilled in all manners and etiquette.”

From a close friend, “Caroline was…

• Extremely real.
• So kind.
• Generous, a great hostess.
• Always using her amazing memory with people, events, etc. to help people to feel a sense of belonging and connection to one another.”

From her husband, “Caroline was…

• Always laughing and smiling.
• Filled with a ton of energy and enthusiasm.
• Light-hearted and fun-loving.
• Interested in learning about others and their interests.”

Notably Absent

While of course there were longings, dates, and relationships in Caroline’s 20’s, her companions who knew her at the time did not make a big deal about the presence of a boyfriend or husband. No one acted like she was incomplete when she was single. Obviously and wonderfully, a significant romantic relationship took place since she was married at 28 years of age. Yet, when her closest friends and family were asked to describe her, they described a unique individual irrespective of her love life. So, what can the next generation learn from Caroline’s young adulthood?

Some Challenging Questions for Singles

When you’re in your 50’s, do you want to look back on your 20’s and be reminded of how you obsessed over relationships or pined away for marriage? Or, that you were defined by a certain relationship or lack thereof? (It’s so natural to do that). Or, would you prefer to be like Caroline who can reflect on those years as a time when her unique character really came into being and her relationship with God led her into adulthood? Of course, you might have very different characteristics from Caroline, but are you prioritizing individual growth and character development? (Luke 2:40)

If you’re single and feel the pressure to date or have a “+1” (for wedding invitation after wedding invitation), or if anyone’s ever implied something’s wrong with you because you’re not rushing down the aisle (you can still feel the sting of the comments), do you want to cave into people-pleasing (which is hard to resist), or steadfastly concentrate on being in God’s will for you? (Psalm 118:8, 9)

If you’re alone and concerned with your needs being met, do you want your whole purpose to be about advocating and fighting for yourself (after all, it’s what the world constantly preaches), or could you choose instead to shift your mind to learning to wait on the Lord to meet your needs while serving Him in the meantime? (Psalm 138:8)

Be like Caroline on a path towards virtuous maturity and a long-lasting personhood, and one day people will describe your 20’s according to your special, unique character too. (Psalm 139)

Prayer & Blessing

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

*Not her real name