Do you know anyone who has experienced trauma at some point – such as having been abused or shamed as a child, utterly rejected by a loved one, or faced extreme trials or loss? And if all is well now, you may be wondering why such intense emotionality remains.

Decades After Trauma – In Her Own Words

“People with trauma in their background may need to allow time in their schedule to cry-out to the Lord. There is a deep part of oneself that cannot be explained except to say it needs permission and validation for sobbing over the heart’s pain, and has a need for comfort and continued healing. I don’t do it every day; there is a season for more or less of it. But for me, I can have a much more balanced life emotionally when I allow myself this time of crying-out. Otherwise, everything builds up and becomes an emotional explosion outside of my control.”

Your Role As Friend

• Invite your traumatized friend to use the Bible as a security blanket. If it gets all torn up, offer to have it rebound.
• Don’t try to fix every feeling with logic. It doesn’t have to make sense to you when and why some of the scars open back up. Just be there with compassion when they do.
• Pray Scripture over your loved one. The Word gives endurance. (2 Tim. 2:9b-10a)
• Don’t underestimate the power of your friendship. The Lord does some of His most significant healing through safe, secure relationships.
• Have acceptance for the small habits the formerly abused person has held onto. Those coping behaviors can be seen as sacred because at one time they meant survival. If these habits and behaviors become troublesome, have gentleness and patience as they learn new skills.
• When something triggers the pain of the past, point the victim to God’s sovereign purposes, goodness, and presence (Ps. 34:17-22), and together celebrate your loved one’s ability to overcome.
• Have lifelong kindness like David to Mephibosheth (2 Sam. 9). Your friend has also been crippled by hardship. Offer up a place of highest honor at your table and make it permanent.
• Help your friend laugh hard and have fun with you. Being relaxed and playful helps regain what was lost. And you will be blessed by loving and serving others in this way.