It could be your friend, your daughter, or even your daughter’s friend’s mother! But chances are, you know a Christian girl who is practically dying to be popular. The obsession is so gripping that she cannot stop herself, no matter how unsatisfied she may actually feel. Could she (or should she) be saved from this desire?

Biblical Starting Point

For a Christian girl, there is no higher status than the acceptance she already has. The work that Jesus has done has bonded her to God Himself! And literally makes her holy. (Col. 1:20-22)

She can’t help wanting to belong; she is supposed to need community. Since she belongs to Christ, she inherited His family and is summoned to be saints together with those who call upon Him. (1 Cor. 1:2; Gal. 3:29)

She is predisposed to selfish pursuit. She sins just like everyone else. Her wrongdoing in this case is hunting after having status for herself, instead of making it her business to build the Body. (Rom. 3:23; 1 Thess. 5:11)

She is missing out on true relationship. True fulfillment comes from only two sources: God, and His Kingdom of believers. That is why she is commanded to love the Lord her God with all her heart, with all her soul, and with all her mind. And to love her neighbor as herself. (Mt. 22:37-38)

If You Have Her Ear

Shower her with the truth. 1) She is His people, not the world’s people. 2) Being worried what others think of her is a trap. 3) She does not need acceptance of certain people in order to accept herself. (2 Sam. 9; Jer. 7:23; Prov. 29:25; Lk. 6:22-23; Gal. 1:10)

Ask her to keep a record of how often she is comparing herself to others. Reminder her regularly that she is not ordained for someone else’s life and that envy is a total waste of her time. (Eccl 4:4; 2 Cor. 10:12-13)

Be willing to consider whether or not her environment is a place where she can feel safe enough to grow in this area. If she’s trying to engage with truth but isn’t making any progress, she may need a fresh start on a new team, with a new group or activity, in a new school or church, etc.

Confess to her. Explain how your own fallen condition has made you self-centered, and then ask her if she can see her errors in the situation. Pray for and with her.

Teach her Who’s got her back. He can increase her confidence and well-being, taking care of all her unique needs. (Phil. 4:19)

Ask her to make 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 into a check-list. Then, she can assess how much of her time she is loving others well, and how much energy is spent looking for significance from the world’s standards.

If You Can Only Help From A Distance

Let your non-verbal signs validate her desire to belong. Try to make eye contact with her, smile at her, and show kindness to her, especially when she least deserves it.

Extend invitations to her. Give her opportunities to be around other believers who are working to banish the modern-day “idol” of popularity.

Pray for God to get her attention in a way that only He can. Then let Jesus show you if you’re to be the answer to your prayers for her.